9.20.2011

Defending Your Way into Loserhood.

Life is full all of the unexpected.

It’s not just about what you don’t anticipate.

It’s about the purposeful dishonesty of other people around you. Specifically what it’s aimed at you.

It happens to every one.

You are going about your daily activities working towards your goals and all of a sudden you hear rumors about something you did. And what’s interesting about rumors is that they are hard to ignore.

No matter what you’re doing, a rumor quickly distracts you — especially when that rumor has to do with you.

It’s easy to want to defend yourself.

That’s your first reaction.

You’re eager to find out — who started the rumor? Who knows about the rumor?

As questions flood your brain, you notice yourself getting more and more frantic.

“This isn’t fair.”

That’s the logic that’s running through your brain at the moment. It’s the sole driving emotion behind why you feel the way you feel.

You’re angry.
You’re hurt.
You’re confused.
You’re insulted.

The problem is that defending yourself is never as helpful as we imagine it to be.

In fact, rarely does more outrage, especially from a frantic defendant, ever achieve anything other than acrimony, confusion, and distracting drama.

So what do you do?

You stop defending yourself.

You let people think what they want to think and drive relentlessly towards your goals.

Which is nigh impossible to do, frankly.

Every part of your psyche is screaming out your seventeen unspoken sides to the story.

And you desperately want everyone around you to hear you out.

But if you persist, you’ll find yourself defending your way into loserhood.

Here are a few things you might have forgotten:

Expecting that life will be fair to you is just plain naive.
Mean people can’t steal your dreams, only your momentum.
You can spend your time explaining or you can execute.
People will believe what they want to believe.

It’s all a choice.

How you think. How you act.

It’s all a series of decisions.

You can “protect your good name” or just keep doing the amazing things that make you successful.

And when you say it like that, defending yourself all the time just seems a little silly.

Robert Terson

Actually, I don’t think responding to gratuitous cheap shots and focusing on your dream are mutually exclusive. Like all things, the BS should be measured carefully and so should the decision about whether or not to respond to it. A few weeks ago I had a Great Respected Guru throw a totally uncalled for cheap shot at yours truly; I felt strongly enough about it that I wrote a blog which I believe was useful to my audience–sort of an example of the old adage “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I agree, though, with the important premise of this blog: nothing should get in the way of the dream, of continuing along the path of what makes you successful; nor do you have to defend yourself to anyone, explain yourself. You won’t change the minds of those who don’t like you, and those who do like you are going to keep supporting you despite what any idiot says.

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Robert,

I suspect your self-awareness and experience is what made the difference (not to “blow smoke” at you).

You were able to control your emotions, put the experience in perspective, and rationally decide the best course to engagement. Right?

In re-reading your comment, I want to make a distinction. You used the word “RESPONDING”. Great choice of verbs. And I think it’s different than “DEFENDING”.

You are going to respond. That is inevitable. Hopefully your response is not to defend.

Dan

p.s. What do you think? Am I making too big a deal about nothing?

Robert Terson

Yes, the analysis you provide in your first two paragraphs is 100% correct; and yes, “responding,” as opposed to “defending,” is an important distinction to make. Are you making too big a deal about nothing? Obviously not: we’re talking about it and I suspect a good many Out There are benefiting from the discussion. That’s what talented bloggers do: they make people think and better their lives in subtle but significant ways. I’m not blowing smoke at you either, Dan, but you do that as well as anyone; which is why I stop by, pay attention to what you have to say. So far… you’ve yet to disappoint.

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Robert,

Thanks for the kind words.

I know I take a considerably different approach to business from others. To me is seems like the raw, gritty discussions are where things start to fall apart. Personal relationships are more likely to derail success than not have a college degree. Right?

Dan

p.s. Keep the wise feedback coming. :-)

Robert Terson

Actually, I don’t think responding to gratuitous cheap shots and focusing on your dream are mutually exclusive. Like all things, the BS should be measured carefully and so should the decision about whether or not to respond to it. A few weeks ago I had a Great Respected Guru throw a totally uncalled for cheap shot at yours truly; I felt strongly enough about it that I wrote a blog which I believe was useful to my audience–sort of an example of the old adage “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I agree, though, with the important premise of this blog: nothing should get in the way of the dream, of continuing along the path of what makes you successful; nor do you have to defend yourself to anyone, explain yourself. You won’t change the minds of those who don’t like you, and those who do like you are going to keep supporting you despite what any idiot says.
http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Robert,

I suspect your self-awareness and experience is what made the difference (not to “blow smoke” at you).

You were able to control your emotions, put the experience in perspective, and rationally decide the best course to engagement. Right?

In re-reading your comment, I want to make a distinction. You used the word “RESPONDING”. Great choice of verbs. And I think it’s different than “DEFENDING”.

You are going to respond. That is inevitable. Hopefully your response is not to defend.

Dan

p.s. What do you think? Am I making too big a deal about nothing?
http://twitter.com/sburkey Scott Burkey

Nothing really profound to add. Just a note that I appreciate your post and will keep an eye on your blog, Dan. Great job and I’ll stay tuned! Signed, Scott “A Sales Guy In Atlanta” Burkey

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Thanks, Scott, for the kind words. I look forward to getting to know you better…

We need more “good guys” out there. :-)

http://twitter.com/sburkey Scott Burkey

Nothing really profound to add. Just a note that I appreciate your post and will keep an eye on your blog, Dan. Great job and I’ll stay tuned! Signed, Scott “A Sales Guy In Atlanta” Burkey
http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Thanks, Scott, for the kind words. I look forward to getting to know you better…

We need more “good guys” out there. :-)
Ann Larson

If people aren’t talking about you, then you aren’t relevant. I say, let them talk!!

Ann

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

“Let ‘em talk….”

Love it, Ann.

You bring up a good point. Maybe the mark of success should be how effectively we are polarizing people around us.

(That’s probably a pretty risky performance indicator. I need to think about this more…)

Dan

Ann Larson

If people aren’t talking about you, then you aren’t relevant. I say, let them talk!!

Ann
Robert Terson

Yes, the analysis you provide in your first two paragraphs is 100% correct; and yes, “responding,” as opposed to “defending,” is an important distinction to make. Are you making too big a deal about nothing? Obviously not: we’re talking about it and I suspect a good many Out There are benefiting from the discussion. That’s what talented bloggers do: they make people think and better their lives in subtle but significant ways. I’m not blowing smoke at you either, Dan, but you do that as well as anyone; which is why I stop by, pay attention to what you have to say. So far… you’ve yet to disappoint.
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tim-mushey/8/428/305 Tim Mushey

Great stuff Dan! I had a Sales Manager tell some colleagues once that I would not flourish in a new role. I had another Sales Manager tell one of my accounts that I was not doing my job properly. Although difficult to do in situations like that, I let actions speak louder than words. I worked harder than ever to prove them both wrong, and my results showed that their comments were inaccurate and inappropriate!

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Tim,

Thanks for sharing some intimate experiences. Having people stab you in the back can be brutal.

You know how it feels to want to defend yourself.

When you can execute and challenge people to “watch and see”, it liberates you. :-)

Dan

p.s. Did you ever get an apology from your idiot manager?

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tim-mushey/8/428/305 Tim Mushey

Nope, but I had the last laugh both time (in a wierdly “everything happens for a reason” sort of way)

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

You earn extra respect in my book. Bravo, sir. Bravo!

Dan

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tim-mushey/8/428/305 Tim Mushey

Great stuff Dan! I had a Sales Manager tell some colleagues once that I would not flourish in a new role. I had another Sales Manager tell one of my accounts that I was not doing my job properly. Although difficult to do in situations like that, I let actions speak louder than words. I worked harder than ever to prove them both wrong, and my results showed that their comments were inaccurate and inappropriate!
http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Tim,

Thanks for sharing some intimate experiences. Having people stab you in the back can be brutal.

You know how it feels to want to defend yourself.

When you can execute and challenge people to “watch and see”, it liberates you. :-)

Dan

p.s. Did you ever get an apology from your idiot manager?
http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Robert,

Thanks for the kind words.

I know I take a considerably different approach to business from others. To me is seems like the raw, gritty discussions are where things start to fall apart. Personal relationships are more likely to derail success than not have a college degree. Right?

Dan

p.s. Keep the wise feedback coming. :-)
http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

“Let ‘em talk….”

Love it, Ann.

You bring up a good point. Maybe the mark of success should be how effectively we are polarizing people around us.

(That’s probably a pretty risky performance indicator. I need to think about this more…)

Dan
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tim-mushey/8/428/305 Tim Mushey

Nope, but I had the last laugh both time (in a wierdly “everything happens for a reason” sort of way)
http://Sellingfearlessly.com Robert Terson

Dan, A soured relationship because the other guy doesn’t like you, or lack of college degrees, or anything else in the Big Bad Outside World, are not going to get in the way of a confident, talented human being who has a Definiteness of Purpose made out of titanium, and the persistence of a pit bull. I am old school about Attitude being Everything; and I believe this, too: the more things change, the more they stay the same. I was on the phone with David Brock this afternoon having the time of my life talking to this true Gentleman. We agreed that a great repackaging has taken place, but the substance inside the packaging is, in many ways, the same. Not sure if that’s “wise” (thank you for that), but it’s how most of us old guys see things. At the same time I come to learn from people like yourself, and I do–a lot! For my taste, the more provocative the better–keep it coming.
http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

You earn extra respect in my book. Bravo, sir. Bravo!

Dan
http://www.fundspartnership.com/ Shelly Cobber

Well written!! That’s sound pretty good and I’m really pleased to read that positive sound. By reading through these progressive points I’m seriously agree and learn that defensive way for my own take care. Thanks!

http://www.DanWaldschmidt.com/ Dan Waldschmidt

Thanks, Shelly…

I am delighted that you found this so helpful.

It’s so easy to make excuses and work on denying the mistakes that we all too easily undermine our own possibilities for success.

Dan

p.s. Which of these points did you like best?

Defending Your Way into Loserhood.

It happens to every one.

It’s easy to want to defend yourself.

So what do you do?

It’s all a choice.

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