Make no mistake, the most difficult personal relationships to maintain are your romantic ones.
It doesn’t matter if you are married, living together with someone, or just dating — figuring out how to be happy with the person you are with can be challenging.
Being under the Hollywood spotlight only makes it more challenging. But it also gives us some public perspective on the lessons that we all need to learn — to have healthy relationships.
At face value, Johnny Cash and June Carter made it work.
Everybody loves them. There’s even a country song written about wanting “a love like Johnny and June.”You would think that they hit the relationship jackpot.
Until you do a bit more research.
Sure, being married for over three decades is an amazing feat in this day and age, but their relationship is not one that you could ever consider “healthy.”
And that’s the goal for each of us — healthy relationships.
While the romance of “Johnny and June” appeared to all the public to be built on love, it was surrounded by inner turmoil, drug abuse, infidelity, raised voices and a lot of broken hearts along the way.
I will not be naive and say that those things never happen or should never happen; but at the risk of sounding like an idealist, I don’t believe other people should get hurt in your search for romantic happiness. That’s not healthy. Nor is it acceptable.
So what does it take to maintain a healthy relationship?
“Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. Family. Fun. Laughs. Sex,” says Goldie Hawn, one half of Hollywood’s most committed couple.
Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are without question one of America’s most beloved Hollywood couples.
They’ve been together, without scandal, for the last 34 years. On the outside, they seem to be the picturesque happy couple, but they will be the first to tell you that things aren’t always easy.
Decisions have to be made when talking about relationships. For Kurt and Goldie, it was the decision on whether to marry or not.
And after three decades together, they just don’t see the point anymore.
“What is marriage going to do for us?” Goldie Hawn asks. “We still have to choose each other – whether we are married or not.”
And it’s true.
Goldie’s other half, Kurt Russell, says the celebrity couple go through the same things as the rest of us, but overall, “love conquers all.”
When they met for the first time, Goldie knew there was a spark, but their 5 year age difference made it difficult — because Kurt was only 16 and Goldie was 21.
Without much thought, Goldie and Kurt both moved on with their lives.
Continuing to pursue their careers and their love lives separately.
Goldie married and had two children. Then divorced. Kurt married and had a son and also divorced.
When they met again, both were unattached and decided to go out on a date.
They have been together ever since.
In truth, Goldie and Kurt have had to deal with the same relationship issues as the rest of us, likely with the exception of “running out of money” issues.
But the big ones — trust, infidelity, boredom — are the exact same as you or me.
Goldie openly shares: “You have to really be aware that your actions, when it comes to infidelity, could ruin your relationship. You have to decide if it’s really worth it.”
She says you have to stay mindful of why you love your partner and you have to constantly work on your relationship.
Sound advice from the most happily unmarried couple in Hollywood.
What looks good today can tarnish tomorrow. Instead of giving up and moving on, why not try to work on the relationships you have now?
“THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER WITH PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS IS THAT IT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU GET TO MAKE THE RULES.”
More importantly, you have to make the rules. You have to decide what is important: marriage, monogamy, religion, sex, etc.
What you don’t have to do is follow the “rules” that society imposes on you.
In order to have a successful relationship, it has to work for you. Not for everyone else.
Other people’s opinions can be a big obstacle in your relationships.
I challenge you to start listening to the voice inside you that decides what your healthy relationship should look like and ignore outside voices that want you to do things “the right way.”